The synchronised shuffle of chairs sheeesh, bok, bok… Not a note out of place it was the loudest sound in this room and bounced of its hidden ceiling to disturb a century’s restful dust. Speaker spoke the usual meetings, as was his concern, named those present and thumbed roughly at each of them, “Chancellor of the Brief; Cabinet Witch; Minister for Fashion and Agriculture…” he went on, and on, until reaching the shufflers.
“The Ambassador; Ambassador; Ambassador;..”
The point of the triangle of dark figures, fell shufflers, stood sharply and briefly from his chair, “We are singular, thank you. Address me as such.”
Speaker turned to Negotiations and Parks with the distinct look of who the fuck is this guy and a harder thumb than usual. A nod from his superior and the thumb burst into a spread palm of supplication and he sat down and opened his news sheet.
The Polite Cough was passed from seated to seated, bouncing around to a lively 3/4 ba dum dum, but their excitement at the ambassadors made them trip over and steal each others’ part to rising frustration. The hacking breath became terse and patronising and continued its quiet routing until people started to notice that the ambassador had stood up.
“I simply come to deliver this message:” his hand disappeared into the expertly tattered vestments and pulled out a knife like a shepard’s crook, with a handle of cheap plastic, and passed it back along the formation of ambassador who reached forth and neatly dismembered him. Arms, head then legs. The arterial spray made their dark clothes seem like thick night, the Officer for Incorrectness next to them cleaned his glasses as politely as possible.
After the meat fountain had settled the knife wielding ambassador hid it away once more and straddled his fallen self.
“Lord Gerard would like you to know that he is neither eccentric nor strange, but competent, rigorously argued, and carrying conviction.”
Together they turned, pivoting around the new point of the formation, and marched out the room. After a shocked silence the coughing continued.