Vaulted Animarium

Vaulted Animarium 

Julius Coldbridge 5/10/2
 Hamm Coldbridge 3/20/1

 Spell: Befuddle

 Small shop full of small animals. Some move freely. The animals are so loud as to make it impossible to be heard from anywhere other than mouth to ear contact. Julius runs the shop with his adopted son Hamm, a shambling mound of a man who rarely tries to talk and is mostly deaf. Hamm has two rabbits living in his pockets. Ruby Lorgnettes in a drawer by the counter. Cabinet full of luminous larvae and singing beetles. Choir rats, various common city-owls, a nesting pig, 17 ogre fleas, a pair of sympathy serpents (not on speaking terms) are among the selection.

 Rumour: A famous hunter has caught a live alzabo and is exhibiting it in his apartments to selected guests.

http://whatwouldconando.blogspot.com/2018/07/bit-o-troika.html


Group of Seventeen

Group of Seventeen 

 Cyriaca verGrin 11/17/4
 Spell: Invisibility
 Android 7/26/2 (1)

 8ft tall and perilously thin. A bathouse mistress. Single large bath with multiple secluded areas. Remains proudly ignorant of customers' business. Staff are Thinking Engines, 9 of them left, who can pass as entirely organic. Open all hours, staff rarely seen abroad, Cyriaca more so and only while accompanied by staff. 1 in 6 chance of a herbal bath day 1- Green, red berries, restores all Stamina 2- Blue with silver streaks, ensures a restful night's sleep 3-Red and twigs, smells like dirt, tightens skin drastically, so no one recognises you for a day 4-Green with green berries, relaxing, -5 Skill for the day 5-Hot mud, -2 Stamina +1 Skill for the day 6-Pink, smells like cake, calm & happy for the rest of the week, immune to fear and panic.

 RUMOUR: A giant is convinced that Troika is in fact Lost Corda and has blocked Owl Street with his ecstatic crying and celebrating. Danger of terminal hugging.

 http://whatwouldconando.blogspot.com/2018/07/bit-o-troika.html



Court of the Summer King

Court of the Summer King 

Open, the Summer King 9/18/5
 Spell: Assume Shape, Hurricane, Teleport, Zed

 Reception hall for the divine Summer King. Front door and halls guarded by Feathered Folk wielding brass blowpipes-staves decorated with and firing peridots. Petitioners are mostly foreigners and cacogen, with the occasional hyrodules and their silver suited guards. None speak to the King, only touch his hands, drop a guilder in the chrome vase, and leave. The petitioners spend a long time talking in meaningless metaphors to one another. Non-comprehension will be met with disdain. 

RUMOUR: The feathered-swine have captured radiant thought and hold it in disgust

 Big map: http://whatwouldconando.blogspot.com/2018/07/bit-o-troika.html


Alcalde Station Juniper

Alcalde Station Juniper
Boris Saypurple 8/16/5
 Spell: Darkness, Darksee

 The local justice, Boris, is a short joyless man. Quick to anger, quick to forgive, violent and emotional. Four junior alcalde (7/14/2) are under his command and help keep the peace, mainly by spying and gathering harmful gossip. He is unsure who exactly pays his wages or what his jurisdiction is, which frustrates him greatly. The station occupies a large old home with Boris' private chambers, rooms full of papers, and a basement jail. Boris' rooms are full of cats, the jail is clinically clean and well lit. Loft full of unusual lost things.

 RUMOUR: Recent random killings are due to a new cult of Cage The Dead-Maker operating out of the goblin labyrinth. They relocate nightly.

http://whatwouldconando.blogspot.com/2018/07/bit-o-troika.html




Some Ways of Killing D&D People

We live in a world without hitpoints. Death is not a certain countdown.


  1. Smash Bros HP. Play D&D as normal but add your damage up. When your damage passes a threshold, save or die. Roll d100 and roll over your damage total or die. Do this every subsequent instance of getting hurt.

    Maybe use the old HD as the threshold. Like, wizards start testing at over 4 damage. Or alternatively save every time they take damage, screw the bookkeeping.
  2. I'M THE FUCKING DADDY system. Standard HP, except they are now how you hit things. Gamble your HP as dice. Each HP spent lets you roll a die, but keep the same number as you usually would. Rolling to hit, spend 3 HP, roll 3d20 and pick the best one. Spend 8, roll 8, keep 1 and so on. All violent action takes energy.At 0 HP you are at the whims of the enemy. They can automatically kill you, or the DM can have them do something else, like kidnap you or chop your arms off.

    Damage works like normal, but use HP to roll the dice.

    Probably wanna increase HP pools a bit.
  3. DAMAGE DICE EXPLODE. The d4 knife is now interesting

Unsure death is fun. Having a sense of impending doom is fun. Knowing you can take a couple of shots is too comfortable. Turning your life resource into currency is exciting.

What's up my droogs?

What's happening, what's going to happen, who are we, what are we, where is that, why are that, where do?

Calm down.

Firstly this is very important: http://save.vs.totalpartykill.ca/blog/osr-opml/

Talking about your blog is boring, but this blog is fine and as alive as it ever was. I'll be here in my spare time between helping other people make things real.

I care about politics a lot but I'm not gonna talk about it with any seriousness in public 'cos others do culture war a lot better. Assume everyone who is obviously a shitlord sits comfortably on my shitlist.

I am too busy, but fine I'll be the ambassador of the OSR.

I figure since I talk to myself while I'm working I might as well do it on Twitch and make a spectacle of myself. I even have a cat that won't fuck off, people love that right?

G+, the only social media platform that wasn't complete and utter shite, is on its way out. You can just stay here, I'll keep you company. Or go to Discord and harass me in retro relay. Follow me on other platforms if you like, but they'll be mostly shitposts and self promotion (you know, like absolutely everything else on them)

I'm going to have a table at Dragonmeet on the 1st of December. Come and say hi.

Business plan for the Melsonian Arts Council:

  • Make books forever and never stop
  • Earn enough money to pay the bills
  • Earn more money than hype-man invaders
  • Win more prizes
  • Become insufferable egomaniacs
All work in progress.

HEY, you know what still exists? THE UNDERCROFT! 
Do you write weirdo D&D stuff for funsies?
Wanna tidy it up enough to be published in a trashy periodical?
Wanna get paid 3p a word for it? (don't have to google it, bad rate but more than the publisher will be getting)
Then tell me about it and we'll talk.

Art Preservation

Here, have a list of excellent artists that I have had reason to interact with.
 This was maintained on G+ but somebody decided to ruin that. For now I'm just cutting and pasting it here but I'll tart it up later.

 +Evlyn M - http://www.chaudronchromatique.blogspot.co.uk/
 +Matthew Adams - http://www.rumblecityrumble.blogspot.co.uk/
 +Simon Forster - http://www.theskyfullofdust.co.uk/
 +Claytonian JP - http://www.killitwithfirerpg.blogspot.co.uk/
 +Jeremy Duncan - http://dandy-in-the-underworld.blogspot.com/
 +Jim Magnusson - http://aenglum.blogspot.co.uk/
+Sean Poppe - http://beardedruckus.tumblr.com
 +Anxy Anxy - http://cuticlechewerswellpissers.blogspot.co.uk/
 +Nicolò Maioli - http://satanisjoy.wordpress.com
 Louise Perfect, who doesn't do the internet (I can get you in touch if you want) +Oli Palmer - http://www.ftoamg.com/
 +Andrew Walter - http://www.andrewwalter.co.uk/
+Jason Sholtis - http://roll1d12.blogspot.co.uk/
 +cecil howe - http://www.swordpeddler.com/
 +Dirk Detweiler Leichty - https://www.patreon.com/dirkleichty
 +Courtney Campbell - http://hackslashmaster.blogspot.com/

Troika: Numinous Edition 24 hour warning




IT'S ALMOST OVER!


This is the obligatory 24 hour reminder, and then we can all take a breather.

The Troika! Numinous Edition Kickstarter is 24 hours from ending. We've unlocked the Plastic Sea and maxillae slurping vampires, along with an expanded bestiary.
Here's a list of things we currently aren't getting
  • An adventure on The Wall by ENnie award winning Andrew Walter
  • A book of Kafkaesque nightmares by critical darling Jeremy Duncan.
  • The Troikan Guide to Chromatic, Metallic & Pseudo Pigs.
  • And more art!
Who knows? We pray for pigs. Deus ex social media!